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PARENTING

Topics included in this Section of 40 pages on the DVD are as follows-

Introduction

Some Basic Management Principles
Some General Guidelines in Managing Children’s Behaviour
Some Adlerian Principles
A Classroom Approach-Assertive Discipline (Canter and Canter) Checklist
Child and Adolescent Behaviour Rating Scale
Helping Your Child Learn To Read
Helping Your Child Learn To Spell
Resources
References

A selection of the topics discussed in this Section on the DVD is presented below.

INTRODUCTION

The material in this section, based firmly on the theories of Alfred Adler and his many “disciples”, has been found to give parents and teachers, practical, direct, concise, commonsense strategies. Adler made a very significant contribution to both teacher and parent education.

A wide range of excellent material is readily available to give guidance to parents and relevant professionals in the management of children and adolescents. 

Despite this, parents in particular, feel overwhelmed and intimidated by much of the material. In my private practice, most parents wisely express the desire to have their particular family composition and dynamics and their current management strategies, fully understood before they consider changing their approach.

SOME BASIC MANAGEMENT PRINCIPLES
 

Parenting is a very challenging and demanding occupation. It can also be very rewarding and it can be fun.

All families are unique hence it is wise to understand that widely accepted generalisations (for instance, behavioural characteristics of children depending on their birth-order) might not apply in all cases.

Most parents use commonsense approaches, relying on natural inclinations and impulses. Frequently, however, such so called “normal” techniques do not work.

Parents need to be very observant child watchers. Only through the gathering of specific details, e.g., diaries of events, can accurate, useful information be shared with a professional.

Changing a child’s behaviour takes TIME.

Changing a child’s behaviour also takes PATIENCE, PERSISTENCE and CONSISTENCY, CONSISTENCY, CONSISTENCY.

SOME GENERAL GUIDELINES IN MANAGING CHILDREN'S BEHAVIOUR

In a two parent household, both parents MUST agree on the behaviour(s) they wish to eliminate/modify and the strategies they want to implement. Any other adult caring for the child should be aware of these strategies and know how to use them.

Parent(s) need to keep a diary of events (dot points will do) of problems, when they occurred, how they responded and the outcomes. This is essential when seeking help from a professional as explicit details help determine the problem(s) and possible “remedies”.

The critical factor in modifying/changing a child’s/adolescent’s behaviour is CONSISTENCY of effort, especially if two parents are involved. Just one lapse can lead to the child’s confusion and result in more persistent, inappropriate behaviour. 

Establish a priority list of the major, inappropriate behaviours and focus on only one or two of them at a time. Too often parents attempt an impossible mission-working on several transgressions at once.  

When new strategies are first introduced, an increase in the inappropriate or targeted behaviour may occur. The child is likely to be confused and uncertain and may test your limits. Again, consistency of strategy is ESSENTIAL to establish the new regime. 

It is equally important to recognise and reward appropriate behaviour as it is to correct inappropriate behaviour. Only focussing on the inappropriate behaviour can lead to the child’s further discouragement and a sense of hopelessness.  

Don’t expect change to occur overnight or even within the first two weeks of intervention. Inappropriate behaviours that have developed over a long period of time will require consistent intervention over time to change.

Changing a child’s inappropriate behaviour will require considerable time, effort and energy. However, a parent is likely to be investing considerable time and energy already in trying to change behaviours using “unsuccessful” strategies. 

Gaining the child’s full, undivided attention is an imperative first step in communication and behaviour change. For toddlers, this is best done in a quiet spot where parent and child can talk, eye-to-eye, without interruptions. Messages delivered on the run are ineffective. Be very deliberate about communications, select a quiet location, get down to the child’s level, make eye contact and talk firmly and briefly. Having the child repeat the request/message is important. For older children, the family meeting is the best place to talk about inappropriate behaviour and discuss proposed consequences. 

Reward charts are very helpful. They act as a constant reminder of requests, display the record of “rewards” and provide permanent, tangible feedback to the child. At first, a day can be divided up in to say, two hourly intervals, with stickers (happy faces and sad faces) indicating appropriate or inappropriate behaviour. Sad faces can be covered by happy faces when the targeted, appropriate behaviour occurs. This tends to minimise discouragement and maximise encouragement.

Time-out can be a successful way of handling misbehaviour and encouraging appropriate behaviour. It is essential that the procedure is fully understood by the child before it is implemented. Details such as location (place/room), duration, desired behaviour whilst withdrawn, etc. must be discussed. The child must be told the reason for the time-out and how such withdrawal can be avoided. Remember, the chosen place should not act as a pleasant experience (e.g., watching TV, playing games) but as an unpleasant experience, one to be avoided.

Consequences, both natural and logical, are considered more appropriate and effective than punishment. (See information below for more details, especially the very important distinctions between consequences and punishment).

Punishing a child- smacking or yelling- rarely has any lasting impact on their inappropriate behaviour. Unfortunately, it frequently results in undesirable emotional consequences. Punishment is usually an expression of a parent’s frustration and it often leads to a negative parent-child relationship. 

Enjoy time with your child. Shared activities can provide very positive, natural opportunities for communication, fun, laughter, closeness and togetherness.

RESOURCES

Some valuable resources on managing children from ACER (www.acerpress.com.au)

·         1-2-3 Magic-Effective Discipline for Children 2-12

·         1-2-3 Magic for Teachers-Effective Discipline for Children 2-12

·         Anger Management-A Practical Guide

·         Coat of Many Pockets-Managing Classroom Interactions

·         Challenging Behaviours in Early Childhood Settings

·         Kids Behaving Badly

·         Stop-Think-Do-Social Skills Training. Early Years of Schooling Ages 4-8

·         Stop and Think Friendship

·         Not you Again!

·         What Else can I do with You?

Some Relevant Websites

·         Parenting Australia    www. parentingaustralia.com.au

·         The Australian Parenting Website    www.raisingchildren.net.au

·         Parenting Ideas-Michael Grose        www.parentingideas.com.au

·         Triple P-Positive Parenting Program www.triplep.net

·         Aha! Parenting-Dr. L. Markham      www.ahaparenting.com

REFERENCES

Cowan, P. (2005). Reflections on ‘Parenting Matters’ by Marc Bornstein. Infant and Child Development. 14, 315-319.

Jarvis, C. (2005). Parenting problems: research and clinical perspectives on parenting adolescents. Journal of Child Psychotherapy. Vo. 31.No.2, 209-220.

Epstein, T. et al., (2007). Associated features of Asperger Syndrome and their relationship to parental stress. Child: Care, Health & Development. 34, 4, 503-511.

Daley, D. et al., (2008). Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder in pre-school children: Current findings, recommended interventions and future directions. Child: Care, Health & Development. 35,6, 754-766.

Morawska, A & Sanders, M. (2008). Parenting gifted and talented children: what are the key child behaviour and parenting issues? Australian and New Zealand Journal of Psychiatry. 42, 819-827.

McVittie, J & Best, A. (2009). The impact of Adlerian-based parenting classes on self-reported parental behavior. The Journal of Individual Psychology, Vol. 65, No. 3, Fall 264-285.

Pontzer, D. (2010). A theoretical test of bullying behaviour: Parenting, personality and the bully/victim relationship. Journal of Family Violence. 25:259-273.

For those readers seeking a very comprehensive overview of the topic including such themes as who are parents, whom parents parent, the scope of parenting and its many effects, the determinants of parenting and the nature, structure and meaning of parenthood for parents, should consult the following impressive texts edited by Marc Bornstein-

Handbook of Parenting, Volumes 1, 2 and 3. (2002). Lawrence Eribaum Associates Inc. New Jersey.

Parenting: Science and Practice. (2004). Lawrence Eribaum Associates Inc. New Jersey.

This online resource has been prepared by Dr. Stewart C. Sykes - Psychologist. MAPS.
Former Associate Professor of Psychology and Special Education and Director of the Krongold Centre for Exceptional Children. Monash University, Australia.

Office: Level 1, 5 Blackburne Square
Berwick 3806
Phone 0397689990
Fax 0397689992

Email: stewart@docsykes.com

Copyright © Dr. Stewart C. Sykes. All rights reserved.